A Single Mom's Guide to Parenting Through Chronic Illness

Put Your Oxygen Mask On First

Remember those airline safety demonstrations? There's a reason they tell you to secure your own mask before helping others. You can't pour from an empty cup, and with chronic illness, that cup drains faster than most. Self-care isn't selfish—it's survival. This means keeping up with treatments, doctor's appointments, and whatever keeps you feeling human, even if that means saying no to other things.

Your Kids Are Always Watching

The silver lining of parenting with chronic illness? Your kids learn resilience by example. My son has become surprisingly health-conscious, even joining me for workouts because he's seen how movement helps manage my symptoms. He's developed empathy too, often volunteering alongside me at arthritis organizations. Though I'll admit, he's also learned to use "I'm tired" as his go-to excuse for avoiding chores—clearly taking after his mother's legitimate need for rest.

Embrace the Mess

Life got easier when I stopped expecting perfection and started accepting reality. Bad days will come—that's just part of the deal. But good days will too, and they're worth every moment of struggle. There's no rulebook for parenting with chronic illness, so write your own story.

Get Strategic About Everything

Organization isn't just helpful—it's essential. I keep a strict but flexible routine, limiting myself to 3-5 major tasks per day. Whether it's shopping, cleaning, or appointments, everything gets tracked. Using a fitness tracker and RA app has helped me understand my body's patterns and triggers, making it easier to plan around flares.

Simplify Your Life

Pre-RA, I was the mom who'd bake from scratch and hand-craft party decorations. Now? I've learned to embrace store-bought solutions and smaller gatherings. Energy is a precious resource—spend it wisely.

Make Food Work for You

Batch cooking has become my best friend. On good days, I cook extra and freeze portions for when standing at the stove feels impossible. And yes, sometimes dinner is just snacks or takeout. The world won't end if your kids don't get a home-cooked meal every night.

Lower Your Standards (Just a Bit)

Some days, the TV becomes an unofficial babysitter while you manage a flare. Other days, you might be late to school drop-off or let the dishes pile up. That's okay. Perfect parenting is a myth, even for those without chronic illness.

Build Your Village

I've learned to be open with my son's teachers about my condition, and their understanding has made a world of difference. Teaching kids to help with age-appropriate chores isn't just practical—it's preparing them for life while making yours a bit easier.

Ignore the Barbaras

You know the type—those parents who seem to do it all and still find time to judge others. Their opinion of your parenting matters exactly zero percent. Focus on what works for your family.

Drop the Guilt

My son often reminds me not to apologize for what my body can't do. Kids are surprisingly wise that way. While the guilt doesn't disappear completely, remember that you're doing your best with the cards you've been dealt.

Ask for Help

This might be the hardest lesson, but it's crucial: asking for help isn't weakness—it's wisdom. Whether it's hiring a cleaner, ordering grocery delivery, or seeking therapy, support comes in many forms. Use it.

This journey with chronic illness and parenting isn't one I would have chosen, but it's taught me more about strength, resilience, and adaptation than I ever imagined possible. The key isn't to be the perfect parent—it's to be the parent your kids need, even if that looks different from what you initially pictured.

What strategies have you found helpful in managing parenthood with chronic illness?